Let's talk about Gay Marriage.

Hey there, Internet.
First, I'd like to apologize for not updating in months and months. My life has been crazy busy with school and finals and everything, but I'm happy to say that it is officially summer, and I am officially off duty.
Maybe it's not the best topic to start back up with, but it's something I really care about, so we're going to talk about gay marriage and the bible.

I'm going to preface this by saying, straight up, that I don't intend to offend anyone. I am sharing my views because they are important to me, and because I feel like I really have something to say. Of course, lots of you are probably going to disagree with me. But I'd just like to ask you to please realize that I am allowing you to share your opinion, and it would only be fair of you to let me share mine.
Alrighty then.
I was raised Catholic, and I still practice the religion today. I identify as heterosexual. For the sake of not causing a huge controversy, I will not identify with any specific political party. Why, after all, should we have to identify with one party? I love God, and I feel like He and I have a good relationship. That's part of the reason I feel like I can talk about this.
Here's how I feel:
First, I appreciate the bible and many of the messages that it puts forward. I like the stories it tells us about loving each other and about treating your fellow man with respect. While I've never been a huge fan of Hell, (though, who can say that he is?) I still wholeheartedly believe in God. This blog post is not about why I choose to believe in God or how wrong I am or whatever. We're not talking about that. Just accept it as a given.
That being said, I also love the gays. I believe that gay people are God's children, too, and that He loves them.
I found a series of videos on YouTube about how God hates the gays. Here's the first video in the series:

There are five other videos that follow this: Part 1b, Part 2a, Part 2b, and Part 3.
I don't know about you, but being shouted at and insulted does not make me want to be better pals with our friend Jesus. "Obey Jesus. You're going to Hell."
Alright then.

One of the many things that bothers me about these videos, particularly the first guy, is the fact that he says only a certain number (24,000 or 240,000 or something) of people are allowed into Heaven by God, all chosen from certain tribes. Why, then, do these people want to spread God's word and try to convince people to believe in God? Wouldn't recruiting more people to try out for Team Jesus just lessen their chances of making the team? It really doesn't make sense to me. If you understand this logic, leave a comment.
The second thing happens in the first video at 1:49. "They deserve death, according to God."
What, what, WHAT.
I was raised to believe in a God who loved me and my friends and even my enemies. I learned that, even when I really hate someone, God loves that person, so I should try to forgive him and be closer to God. So, it's really unsettling that these people think they can just say "God hates you, you dirty bastard," and get away with it. I don't believe that anyone on Earth is born deserving to die. I think that there are criminals who do absolutely atrocious things that earn them a fate worse than death. But, even if humans deem them unfit and undeserving of life, God might forgive them. So, I'm not for the death penalty because I think that killing people who kill people to illustrate that killing people is wrong is a stupid, stupid thing.

So, this is the part of the show where I talk about the Bible.
One of the big arguments against gay marriage is that, in the Bible, God says that homosexuality is an abomination. I'm not going to rifle through my book and try to find that part, but I did at one point, and I know that it says something like that, sort of. But, the Bible also says a lot of other things about marriage. This is an image that you may have seen before. I'm not an avid studier of scripture, but this is what I've seen and heard from other people who have in a slightly comical and overexplained way.



So, if we accept the Bible's rules of marriage, this all should be cool, right?
All I'm saying is the Bible was written a long, long time ago. There are parts of it that we (or, at least, some people) reject anyway, like not eating pork and other foods because of illnesses. That's cool. I don't think it makes me less of a christian to say that there are parts of the Bible that I disagree with. I read books all the time that have parts in them that I am not a fan of. I just say, "Yeah, that part wasn't my favorite," and move on.
I'm not going to say any more about that.

The final point I'd like to make is about "Praying the Gay Away." There are testimonies of people all over the world who are classified as Ex-Gays. I totally understand the view that people hold stating that marriage should be between a man and a woman. I get that. Both of my parents firmly hold that view. But, I don't agree with it.
Here's a gem that I stumbled upon by accident. It made me sick, but I also wanted to laugh.
                          
"Homosexual 'married' couples can now demand to be able to adopt children the same as heterosexual couples." GOD HAVE MERCY.

This video made me actually sad. It's a testimony from a woman who was born a lesbian. She says she was gay for 14 years and wanted to leave that lifestyle behind, and she advocates for God as the ONLY way to overcome homosexuality. Of course, if homosexuality is a choice, that would be stupid wouldn't it?

Overall, I really don't think that someone's gay is something that is worth getting over. Of course, there are people who will dislike everyone for something. There are people who hate people who are blonde, people who hate fat people, and people who hate black people, yellow people, red people, and white people. Everybody seems to hate someone. Why should people have to look for a cure to something that makes a person who she is?

In conclusion, I love you, Gays. I believe that homosexuality is something that has always been around and always will continue to be around. My parents always told me that people weren't gay when they were kids, but that's because it wasn't accepted at all. Of course no one would let slip that he was gay. That would lead to even more severe punishments and criticism that is usually dealt out today. It would be like saying that there were no eating disorders when my parents were kids. Of course there were! But no one said anything about it because everyone was embarrassed.

Even if you hate me now and decide never to come back and read any of my blogs again, I forgive you and I love you because that is what God tells us to do. I don't think we should have to choose between loving God and loving people. God made people. God created every single person in His own image, and, as my momma used to tell me when I was a girl, God doesn't make mistakes.

A bedtime story

Tonight is a Friday night. You are probably out partying with your friends or hanging out at home with your cats. You've had a long day, and it's time to go to sleep. It's time for a bedtime story.

It's called William Wobbles McGreet & His Ten Bowls of Wheat.

William Wobbles McGreet measured 3.4 feet, and yet he felt strong and tall and not at all small, his confidence you could not beat. Young William McGreet would every day eat ten bowlfuls of shredded, dry wheat and he felt that this habit was the reason, dangnabit, for his confident view of himself.

At breakfast the table, with Will very able, three bowls of the wheat were expertly arranged. Though clearly deranged, his father would muse, Will ate fast with his hands, no spoon would he use, till the bowls were as clean as shined shoes. His sister Rebecca, who lived in Tribeca, would visit from school every now and again and she’d watch all agape like a shocked and stunned ape at her dear younger brother consume one bowl then another of dry-as-a-bone, tasty-as-Styrofoam grated, minced, chopped, destroyed shredded wheat.

“I love this!” Will cried, very most satisfied, as he wiped his mouth clean with his sleeve. “I can’t wait till lunch when I’ll stuff me a bunch of this joyous wheat stuff down my throat,” Will did gloat. “And for dinner,” he said with a tilt of his head, “I’ll have three more big bowls of it, and I’ll sleep through the night ‘cause my tummy’s just right and I’ll wake the next day oh-so-ready to say, “Mommie, I’ll have me some yum-yum good wheat!”

Mrs. Greta McGreet turned white as a sheet as she went through the grocery bills. “Four hundred dollars just on shredded wheat?! For the love of Sweet Pete, what are we to do with this Will wackadoo?” she asked of her husband, whose name was Ballou.

“What harm can it do?” asked kind sir Ballou. “It’s healthy, and though we’re not wealthy, we can afford to keep the wheat business in business ‘cause he doesn’t like truffles or potato-chip ruffles, he hates filet mignon and detests Grey Poupon, New England clam chowder and milk chocolate powder he turns up his nose to it all; so let him have this, yes, it goes on for days but it’s surely a faze, these silly displays are just part of plain growing up.”  

But this went on for months, this consistent exhibit till one day it all stopped at once. William’s Mommie had read in Mommie Magazine that abnormal behavior that goes on too long should be looked at and poked at and thought of and taught of and stifled and stopped, if you please, then and there.       

So, in the midst of his play, his Mommie one day decided to say, “Now Willy McGreet, I don’t think it’s sweet to eat shredded wheat ten times every day without one drop of milk.” She threw all the wheat out and, boy, did he pout and he stomped his feet hard on the ground.

“Fine, be that way,” was all Will could say, “if milk’s what you think I should drink then I’ll drink ten bowls of that like a cat till I’m fittingly fat and my skin turns as white as a bunny. Laugh, I don’t care if you think that it’s funny, I’ll drink nothing but milk from now on!”

Good night, Internet.  

A Boob Rant.

You know what's a drag? Boobs.
If you have had boobs at some point in your life, including at this moment, you know what I'm talking about whether you know it or not. Yes, gentlemen. I recognize that they are nice to look at, but it is another thing entirely to have them attached to your front all the time. Men may decide to avert their eyes.
For example, I dare anyone on the Internet to try to eat a crumbly pastry, piece of bread, or, God forbid, one of those crumbly granola bars, you know that it is impossible to keep yourself looking dignified and free of crumbs. It is impossible. The only real preventative measures possible are either sticking your neck out two feet beyond your chest (similar to eating on all fours like a dog) and tucking a super hip-looking napkin in your shirt.

(p.s., I found like 10 different pictures of Drake when I looked up "napkin tucked in shirt." Who knows why.)

Reason number two to resent your ladies is something I call This-Shirt-Almost-Fits syndrome. Symptoms of this unfortunate ailment include finding a shirt that fits beautifully and flatters your figure, except for your boobs. One of the worst situations is with button-up shirts. Since one has to button them up from the bottom, so as to not screw up the order of the buttons, one can't find out about busting-out syndrome until nearing the top of the shirt. I have also had this happen with blazers.

Finally is women's dresses. Unless you have a chest that can fill several large coffee cans, at some point you have encountered a dress that you simply cannot fill out. There is little in this world more embarrassing than having to wear a padded bra or stuff the chest of a prom dress in hopes of filling out a boddess that may have been designed for a Dolly Parton chest.
That's really all. If you got nothing else out of this blog post, just give your chest a stern talking to the next time it decides to act as a crumb shelf. Honestly. Too big when you don't want them, too small when you need them. Who's idea was this, anyway?

Oh, the places you'll go.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Internet, it has been an extremely long, extremely tiring week. I haven't posted much, as you can see. But, now I'm posting this.
This is a video I stole from a friend so I could share it with all of you. I loved it, and it made me feel better in a billion trillion ways. I hope it does the same for you.
I wish you all a beautiful week and a happy tomorrow. Chin up; It's almost Friday.

Honey Badger don't give a [lotsofpunctuationforcensorship]!

I'm sure you guys have all seen the famous honey badger video. If you haven't, I hope you enjoyed your vacation visiting the Patrick Star estate. (Ha, I made a joke about living under a rock and paired it with a Spongebob reference.) If you haven't seen it, now you have.
But, we're not here to talk about honey badgers. We're here to talk about RANDALL.
Randall, Randall, never wears sandals,
Wanted to make a pie.
He picked up his spat'
And put on a hat;
But he got some pie fillin' in his eye. -A limerick about Randall, written by yours truly.


Naturally, there has to be some kind of beautiful face to match that ridiculous narration in that video. And, I assure you, you will not be let down.
READY?


I KNOW. WOW.
It is worth noting that, as I typed the word wow, I paused between each letter to add dramatic effect for you all who are reading it.
I just wanted to share that with you. Here's a video from TMZ, which sounds a little bit like a television advertisement. You're welcome.
TMZ video. Wow.

UnFair Campaign: You can say that again.

I would like to start out by saying that I love everybody equally. I do not dislike anyone because of his race, religion, heritage, clothing, or hair color. Notice that I did not include odor in that list. I do not like unkind smells.
Now that we're on the same page, let's talk about a sensitive topic, especially in my area of the world.

In my city, which fosters three colleges/universities and many a high- and elementary-school, there is a new campaign going on called the Un-Fair Campaign.  You can check it out here. They promote fairness and equality among people and groups of people. This is an excerpt taken from their website:

People of color experience incidents of racism every day, and they have long asked “when will white people in our community stand up and speak out about racism?” This campaign is part of a response to that question. Racial justice will never be achieved until we as white people address white privilege and work to change it.

 This is a great mission, and I absolutely support the idea. But, there is something I don't like about this campaign: their slogans and oppressive billboards. (All photos taken from http://unfaircampaign.org/press-room/media-kit/. I do not own these images.)



There's nothing quite like taking a leisurely drive downtown and being surprised by a huge pair of eyes staring at you from a billboard, explaining that you, a white person, are unable to see racism.
Hang on. Hold the hostility. I understand that the entire goal of the campaign is about helping this area, which is predominantly white (we are in Minnesota, after all,) understand what racism is and identify it so we can politely show it to the door. But, I feel like, if I was going to set up a campaign to try to get people to listen to me and share my views, I wouldn't put down that group in my slogan. "It's hard to see racism when you're white."
I don't like that. I feel offended by it. I can certainly identify racism. I can see when it happens, and I can understand that different minorities are often given less of a chance at bank loans, jobs, and other opportunities. I feel I am not alone in that. (Maybe I am. Who knows.) This slogan feels, to me, like what some people choose to call reverse racism. I prefer to think of it as simply "racism," because, by definition, racism is discrimination or prejudice against an ethnic, religious, or racial group. Or, to be conservative, perhaps we might call this more of a prejudice. Either way, I feel that this slogan is very offensive to white people, indicating that we are so racist that we can't possibly see when racism is happening. Because we all sit on our front porches with shotguns waiting for a person of color to look at us wrong.

I like to just think of this as an opportunity to love everybody just because. Why should we need to single out a particular race or color of people? Why can't we love the white people, too?
Again, I'd like to reiterate that I absolutely support the goals and motives of the UnFair Campaign. I love to love as much as the next person. I just choose to express it in a different way.
I mean no offense by this blog post. I just gotta be heard, ya heard?

And, to lighten the mood and enhance the beginning to your weekend, please enjoy this very wonderful video that I found while watching the BBC.
(Don't be scared away by the a'capella potato singing at the beginning. It's brief.)

I am glue.

I am glue. My pale viscosity fills any container, like a liquid. And yet, when exposed to fresh air, I turn into a dense solid. Neither suits me entirely, but indecision fits me like a glove. Why can I, glue, not be both? Who should make me decide? You, a stone, or you, a water? Both have figured themselves, and each other, out completley. Leave it to a stone to tell glue what to do.

Like a sticky serpent, I latch onto any object I come across. I stick to everything, and attach things to each other. The only object immune to the powerful adhesive is my own bottle, which I splash around inside of like water inside a turtle shell. There is no room for any oher object in my bottle. Any particle that manages to squeeze in is instantly absorbed. I smother it with my soupy dough, but all I wanted was some company.

With my cover left undone, I form a solid seal around the edges, preventing myself from spilling out and infecting my surroundings. I am contagious, like glitter, contaminating anything that so much as thinks about touching me. I consume, I deter, I seal myself in. I am glue.
I am glue.